vibrator commitment

I have a deep psychological attachment to the concept of becoming a “proper lady”. (Notice I did not say “woman”; I already am a woman). It is both fetish and a matter of identity. I’ll deconstruct and explore this issue in many forthcoming posts, but in this post please simply acknowledge that it is what it is.

So I’ve been using my new anal vibrator consistently for several days now, and I noticed that I have made a strong psychological association between using it regularly and success in fulfilling my goal of becoming a proper lady. The time spent with it shaking inside me excites my senses to accompany the excitement of fulfilling this larger (and very fundamental) goal. The vibrator is the closest thing I can have right now to female-bodied sexual stimulation (replacing the vagina I don’t have with my anal orifice), and without further explanation I am going to claim that (to me) becoming a “proper lady” is feminine expression. So I’m collecting various pieces of what I associate with femininity together to craft my future psyche.

The time spent with the vibrator shaking inside me shows commitment to the larger goal. Usually the experience is very comfortable. But sometimes the vibration is overstimulating. However, in these cases I usually stick it out to show God I’m serious about the transition process (don’t ask me to explain this).

abandoning my remaining masculinity
prophet with a lowercase “p”

Post Author: Emily

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