resistance to feeling as if I don’t deserve sexual pleasure or recognition of my feminine sexuality

For reasons I’ll explain in my next post, I don’t feel very good about myself right now. I’ve recently taken a large dose of humble pie for a mistake I made and am courageously responding.

As a result of this not feeling very good about myself, I am having a hard time taking care of myself sexually. It’s just that I don’t feel I deserve the pleasure.

Perhaps I even feel that I don’t deserve to recognize my femininity in this way, since my personal sexual play is very “feminine”—just take me at my word here, I’ll define this for me some other time. It’s just that I’ve come so far becoming Emily and building my self-esteem and self-worth as Emily, and this new crisis feels like it undermines that progress. (It doesn’t really—my path forward from this issue will actually compliment that progress).

So I’m still going to celebrate the sexual Emily despite feeling like shit about myself right now. That is true resistance.

Caitlyn Jenner did something really nice for me
double agent for the patriarchy

Post Author: Emily

2 thoughts on “resistance to feeling as if I don’t deserve sexual pleasure or recognition of my feminine sexuality

    emily

    (March 22, 2017 - 10:48 pm)

    I was too tight. Too upset I guess. Will try again later.

    emily

    (March 23, 2017 - 11:29 pm)

    Finally loosened up today, and enjoyed myself. But finding the nerve to try again when I felt so negatively about my self worth took time. Fortunately I am a badass, an optimist, and a strong believer in myself. So I was able to restrain my negativity and have a good time.

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