It is like I lifted a huge burden of guilt off my shoulders. I now understand my motivations for the emotional goals set forth in these blog posts and expressed in the described sexual fantasy. I took ownership of these goals and this fantasy; reconciled them with my feminist ideology. (It was the conflict with my ideology that caused the guilt).
Partially removing the patriarchy from my mind, or at least minimizing its power over my sexual fantasies, is a major leap forward for me. I’m going to orgasm on my own terms!