Lately I repaired several pieces of jewelry that have been laying around, cluttering my limited storage space. Not only did that action reduce the clutter but it turned out to be a metaphor for reconstructing my life out of my recent psychiatric crisis.
I own an excessive amount of jewelry, which I cling to psychologically as a symbol of my successful transition and femininity. You see, I quickly discovered that one of the best ways to not get called “sir” early in my transition was to wear bright and flashy jewelry, because that image enters viewers’ minds as “female”. (This is also one of the reasons I never wear pants—more on that in a future post).
Occasionally, pieces break. I decided to fix the several that had piled up. Spent hours on the task, and multiple trips to the craft store to purchase the correct supplies. The act gave me semi-mindful time to muse; not wholly mindful because my mind drifted into problem areas I’m working through (which I permitted), but partially mindful because I kept part of my mind busy concentrating on surgically manipulating small components.
Repairing this jewelry, one of the few material items I value intensely, gave me a feeling I was repairing my integrity and my life. I was repairing a symbol of who I am.
Two Other Takes on My Attachment to Jewelry
I treasure the jewelry given to me by men. Makes me feel special as a woman.
My last post explores the meaning I attach to a necklace I purchased for a woman I love but am not able to give her, culminating in my decision to stop hoping and start wearing the necklace myself.
Update 21 September 2017
I have one piece left that I’m still working on. Not a repair, its just that I’m waiting for thicker beading string to come in the mail so that I can remake a necklace–one I made myself–in a stronger form than previous. (From an engineering view, the beads are too heavy for the original string I used. These beads were expensive, so I didn’t wan’t the string to break!).
The point is, I’m taking my time to do this project right, just like I’m taking an appropriate time to heal by not rushing things.