“distorted and out of tune” – a troll (sort of) gets it

I received the following response from a troll regarding music [4] I released recently: The music is “distorted” and dissonant—and would sound “out of tune” to many who lack musical sophistication. That is intentional. A compositional choice. And the dissonance intentionally speaks to the experience of feeling “out of tune” as a transgender person. So […]

lyrics: “Smelly Cunt”

I referred to this song in my recent post “a smelly cunt and a mission from God“, so provide the lyrics here. The piece comes from my debut album “City of God“. The post “this is transgender music” offers a detailed explanation of the lyrics. Recording City of God by Axis Evil Lyrics I’ve never […]

delivering sex appeal to a job interview

About a week ago I attended my first job interview as a woman. There was so much more to think about than before: Fear of discrimination as a woman interviewing for a technical and scientific position Fear of discrimination as a transgender person Keeping my voice in a feminine pitch range for the duration of […]

vocal frequency response

I now can speak consistently for an hour in a feminine voice—decent pitch, resonance, and inflection—before needing to rest. Moreover, my voice now passes on the phone. So my voice therapist and I decided to tackle my singing range, to feminize that as well. (Followers of Axis Evil know I sing with a masculine voice […]

the ideal woman (Hell’s r&d department)

I’m simply going to quote the section on creating the “ideal woman” from the Screwtape Letters. You can purchase the book in multiple formats here. In a rough and ready way, of course, this question is decided for us by spirits far deeper down in the Lowerarchy than you and I. It is the business of […]

my obsession (part 1: introduction)

My primary obsession and my number one suicide prevention technique relate to each other. First the suicide prevention technique: I maximize my femininity and feminine expression. Do not know why this works, because the most frequent driver of suicidal ideation for me has nothing to do with gender dysphoria (it’s heartbreak). But emphasizing femininity really […]

renaming my penis

Many guys name their penises. I never did until about ten years ago when my spouse at the time asked me what mine’s name is. I jokingly and instantly responded “Penelope”. What I didn’t think of until last night was the similarity between the words “Penel(ope)” and “penile”. However, I’m now working under the theory […]

estrogen deficit disorder

Potential correlation: I’ve recently upped my estrogen dose, and have recently been happier than I’ve been at anytime in the last two years. What if the two are related? What if my brain expects a certain baseline level of estrogen to function best that it never received until now? There is evidence that hormone administration […]

at the genetics conference

We (scientists), suspect a genetic component to gender dysphoria. While that may not be the full explanation, it might be a factor. See “the science of gender identity (part 1: genetics)” for my previous analysis of this subject. CRISPR/Cas9 technology allows us to edit genomes early in life. The idea is that we can replace […]