when is a fetish not really a fetish?

During sexual play, I really enjoy wearing sleek, silky nightgowns. When that is not available I’ll settle for a lacey camisole and a slip. Sounds like a fetish, right?

Perhaps. But it is far more than that.

A shallow but accurate analysis concludes that the feel of the material against my skin and the visual appeal of the nightgown when I look in the mirror are stimulating.

A deeper and equally accurate analysis reveals that I am insisting on being sexualized in a feminine way. Whether to myself or to a partner, I’m saying: “sexualize me as a woman.” I want it no other way.

This is about identity and empowerment. Calling it a fetish doesn’t stand up.

choose your name, choose your destiny
abandoning my remaining masculinity

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