working out my concept of “lady” (part 1)

Even young maids should study this Kama Sutra along with its arts and sciences before marriage, and after it they should continue to do so with the consent of their husbands. – Kama Sutra of Vātsyāyana

I’m fascinated by the concept of becoming a “lady”. Note that I am not using the term “woman” here; I am already a woman. But I don’t feel I’ve become a “proper” lady yet.

India and Hinduism also fascinate me.

So I’m combining these two interests and investigating the various descriptions of “proper” feminine knowledge and behavior expressed in the Kama Sutra of Vātsyāyana [1].

There are 64 arts/sciences/practices in the text that a woman is expected to learn. Summarizing these:

1. Visual art, music, fashion
2. Homemaking (cooking, rug laying, bed making, cistern management)
3. Sorcery
4. Swordplay and warfare (yes, it actually says this!)
5. Knowing the rules of society

The full list is available at [2].

Technique in bed is not stated explicitly, but I think it is implied since a major section of the Kama Sutra is about sexual technique and women are expected to study the Kama Sutra.

As far as the summarized list above, I’ll skip sorcery entirely. And I’ll skip learning the arts of warfare unless I absolutely have to.

But homemaking, the crafts mentioned above, and knowing the rules of society (solid etiquette) resonate with me. I’ll improve my skill in some of those things, in a modern context. Acquiring technical skill in sexually pleasing a partner also resonates.

This all speaks to my psychosexual concept of becoming a “lady”. This is my own concept for my life, not others’. I don’t tell others how to define themselves.

I want to figure out why I’ve sexualized the idea of becoming a lady, and write about it. I’m not ashamed of it, I don’t want to change the sexualization, just think it would be good to deconstruct.

Practical next steps on the path:

1. Keep experimenting with fashion and style.
2. Keep studying music.
3. Read the section in the Kama Sutra about pleasing a sexual partner.
4. Tidy up my household more frequently.
5. Cook one meal a week.



"cool" transcends gender (part 1)

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