A mentor and absolutely wonderful friend of mine provided the following unsolicited, and difficult, “evaluation” of my transition.
It is extremely welcome. I respond below.
“Wearing your heart on your sleeve”
Smiling when greeting people with the body language representing comfort and happiness represent a ‘warm and healthy attitude’…
“What ever others think of you is Not of your concern…”
Creating your persona is a long difficult steep road of ideal goals. You must first establish the: Goal
I learned public speaking watching videos of the great speakers: Nixon,
Select a character of who you believe has warm personal introductions by their actions!
Then practice their technique.
Who wants to be greeted by a stern face, stoic behavior, stiff body language, as in dancing a certain routine is established.
Learn to make others feel comfortable when they view you, as they will welcome you more quickly.
This is important …
You walk with a stride which is evaluated a threatening to some people. Relax walking… Develop a routine in how you reach for anything, ‘walk slowly, speak slowly, reach slowly, drink slowly, EAT slowly as not one is forcing you.’
Learn to be comfortable:
WITH YOUR SELF…
Swagger if you must, sway in walking movement, learn to saunter, you are not a Drill Sergeant!
Move with Grace as a cultured woman, be again slow in movement, measured movement, force yourself with discipline as you walk, stand, sit and rise.
Be aware of the moment:
First observation of Method Acting is being aware, of the behavior of others and the environment.
Next is a mirror of the behavior of others and match this with yours. While being relaxed and Mindful. Relax.
Move slowly, walk slowly, eat slowly, as you do not force yourself impressing others. “Impress yourself with your accomplishments at the ‘moment.’
You create the character in which you wish to become… very important.
In your mind set, you live this ‘Character’…
This ‘interpersonal character’ will eventually amalgamate to any situation, being consistent.
“Believe in the Part,
Act the Part,
Develop whom you wish to be,
Program this if you wish,
Achieve this Goal,
As you are playing two characters,
One Female and the other Male,
Male cannot be erased easily
You will forever fight the Male,
Create the: FEMALE!
Ain’t easy yet: GO FOR FEMALE!
You lack the empathy of a Female, being distant in the social situation as you do not gracefully contribute, nor are you supportive of others.
Females are contributors, supportive of others without regard to their self, as Females …
I purchased the ‘Female Doll’ to measure how you would react. You glanced at the Doll and placed it aside.
As “Alpha Male” I saw the beauty of the creation, the detail in clothing, the balance in creation as I appreciate: ‘Art.’
I question why you saw no significance in the Feminine relationship of ‘The Doll’ with the person you wish to develop.
Perhaps you need to again evaluate:
In the conversation of your goals, you did not mention ‘sex reconstruction’, no mention until I breached the topic.
“Are you guranteed you are on the correct path in your journey?”
Just thoughts, EMILY…
Let’s first enumerate my transition successes:
- Have lived fulltime as a woman for two years
- Have worked fulltime as a woman for two years
- Grown breasts
- Undergone facial-feminization surgery
- Taken hormones for over 2.5 years
- Can manage a feminine voice when I need to for short periods
- “Pass” well
- People call me “ma’am” and “miss”
- Been fucked as a woman
- Men give me attention
- Traveled alone to three foreign countries as a woman
- Received full professional recommendations for sex-affirmation surgery
- Write openly about my transition
This is all a really fucking big deal. Serious accomplishments!
Make no mistake, getting to where I am today took every ounce of courage and energy I possessed. I can therefore be forgiven for not achieving more yet.
But I do plan to achieve more; have a clear feminization agenda. Your “evaluation” points to many of the traits I plan to include.
And I am relying extensively on your help!
So lets explicitly state the “goal”: Complete and culturally submissive femininity.
Here is what that means to me:
- Completing sex-affirmation surgery
- Developing a warm, soft, friendly, and sultry voice
- Cultivating extremely feminine mannerisms
- Method acting
- Establishing solid appearance
- Fully expressing my inner feminine warmth and friendliness
- Being “put in my place”
- I’m happy to let masculinity run the world
- Love and support a strong woman or an “alpha” male
- Living out my fashion whims
So the goal stands clear. VERY CLEAR.
Lets discuss specifics:
I’m distracted by sudden job loss. My mind currently runs every direction thinking about how to make best use of the time. But the answer is to focus primarily on my feminization agenda. (Job hunting, etc., will take place too of course). Therefore I’m resisting the urge to travel abroad or go on tour. Need to focus on my goal.
The first thing you can do to help relates to your suggestion that I listen to speeches/films/performances that represent who I’d like to present myself as. You know better than I do which female media figures represent the mannerisms and class I want to portray. So I ask you to please make suggestions on whom to study.
You correctly state that the “male cannot be erased easily”. While one would expect the reason is habit, the real reason is male privilege. Having masculine traits aided business success in the corporation I worked for until just recently. Masculine traits help in business culture overall. The other challenge is that I subconsciously cling to masculine traits in hopes to win a date with a woman.
But the thing is: I do not want the masculine traits, so I’m going to have to go through the process of letting them go. It will be a process. It will take time. Might even experience grief.
You stated “females are contributors, supportive of others without regard to their self.” I easily meet this description. But the problem is the risk of codependent behavior, which destroys relationships. My take on the Golden Rule is that it needs to be a recipe for mutually beneficial outcomes, not mere altruism.
The “acid test” regarding the doll is an n=1 test that you cannot make inferences about. I appreciate beauty and refinement as much as you do. Consider my very advanced music sophistication. Read my blog post “sissy fashion”.
Yes, I need to again evaluate “Emily”. I developed a habit of constantly reinventing myself decades before becoming Emily. This served me well during the last two years.
You ask if I’m guaranteed I’m on the correct path in my journey. With the goals spelled out as stated above, the answer is overwhelmingly yes!
And for God’s sake, put me in my “place” from time to time! You are the only “alpha” male in my life and I need it.