thriving vs. merely surviving

Often I lose sight of my longterm goal (to thrive) to make room in my psyche for my short term survival goals related to preventing self harm. Realized this morning that this behavior only “positively” feedbacks into the distress itself—that giving a measured quantity of attention toward thriving will better dampen the distress in the […]

I figured out this whole “ladylike” thing today

“A ‘lady’ is a woman who, through her mere presence, simultaneously commands power while setting others at ease.” – Emily Marie Williams I achieved public womanhood on 14 July 2015 when I declared myself a woman before a judge and started living full-time as one. But as discussed several times on this blog, I work […]

on adoptee violence

The following is a letter to a friend, who asked me about using DNA sequencing to find an explanation for her adopted, adolescent son’s violent behavior: K——-, I’ve thought much about violence from adoptees, as a woman I deeply love experiences the same behavior from her daughter(s). Interestingly, she adopted her daughters from a Russian […]

toward a gene panel for psychiatric violence

I recently developed a method for specifying a comprehensive gene list for investigating genes related to psychiatric violence, which I describe below. First though, here’s a cool picture from the analysis: Method I started by extracting a list of diseases involving violence from [1], removing epilepsy, dementia, mental retardation (is there a better word for […]

a non-linear and holistic work ethic

I started working out a holistic map of my work ethic and work values, and quickly found that linearity failed to cut it. Essentially, I need to capture the interdependencies between spiritual, social, and financial wealth. More importantly, I need to illustrate the crucial balance between these factors. Enter non-linear system dynamics: Simulation, based on […]

why we still need cyberpunk

William Gibson penned Neuromancer over thirty years ago, and the 1990’s ended viciously on 9/11. With the exception of cyberfeminism, I wrote off “cyberpunk” as an ethic once we as a society stopped saying “cyber” and replaced the word with “online”. Yesterday I traced partial assets of an individual I distrusted—and needed the straight dope […]

why I didn’t suicide this morning

I’m publishing this strategy because maybe it will help someone else survive in the future: I feel an intense psychiatric compulsion to suicide every time I experience romantic heartbreak. It’s simply part of my bipolar disorder (which I improve management of everyday). Usually I’m well adept at handling these situations and moving quickly out of […]

surgical bomb

I’m arming you against me, an expression of tremendous respect. You know I study communication, marketing, and propaganda. You know I constantly refine seduction technique. You know I wield language like a surgical bomb. So I’m surrendering to you information that enables you to see right through me should I attempt any of these techniques […]

my spinning moral compass

I’ve discovered a complete willingness to manipulate men into one-night stands purely to stroke my ego. (The trick is to let men feel like their own ego is in charge). However, I experience complete moral repulsion at the idea of treating women this way. I think my reason comes from evolutionary psychology: Women may become […]