power and sexual technique

Competence proves extremely sexy.

My firm desire (pun intended) is that all women, particularly transgender women, take complete ownership over their presence and their bodies. Presence emits power. Ownership delivers power. Here I refer to “power” in a feminine network sense, enabling women full constructive influence within the relationships they build and expand. These relationships may include friendships, business connections, or romantic partnerships.

In the case of romantic connections, whether short or longterm, sexual competency wins constructive leverage. I therefore encourage all women, and again, particularly transgender women, to study sexual technique. To set an example, I’ve embarked on the reading list given below.

Why do I focus on transgender women in particular? Because we often regard ourselves as “inferior” women and I wish that to cease immediately. Furthermore, we are often sexualized for being transgender rather than treated like human partners. That probably won’t cease but can be manipulated. My opinion is that developing skill in bed resists the former mindset, and shifts control toward transwomen in the latter situation.

Regarding the latter: Instead of thinking of myself as objectified for being trans, I think of myself as having cornered a market. This economic viewpoint empowers. I can set my base price (expectation of a partner) based on scarcity. I can then increase my price (expectation of a partner) by enhancing my sexual technique.

Become a world-class lover. Own yourself. Own your power.

My reading list:

Here is the most famous one, but you should know that sexual technique is only a small part of it. Wikipedia explains this well:

Contrary to western popular perception, the Kama Sutra is not exclusively a sex manual; it presents itself as a guide to a virtuous and gracious living that discusses the nature of love, family life, and other aspects pertaining to pleasure-oriented faculties of human life.

Finally, we must learn to seduce, a skill separate from competency in bed:

flaunt those legs girl!

Transgender women typically sport great legs, due to pre-HRT (hormone replacement therapy) muscle development combined with post-HRT muscle shaping. The result stands out!

So flaunt those legs girl!

I never wear pants.

And remember that high heels will further accentuate your legs! For tips and video on successfully living in heels see my post “the trick to walking in heels…”. Confidence forms the key ingredient—you must emit badass!

Setting an Example

To encourage you, let me now walk the walk (pun intended):

numb penis

To prepare for gender affirmation surgery, I’m having hair removed from my testes and penile shaft through electrolysis. To manage pain, I numb the area prior to each session using tetracaine.

I like having a numb penis. Then I can’t feel a part of my body that I don’t particularly want, don’t feel particularly attached to.

draft lyrics: “Gutter Priestess”

Mystic in a concrete kingdom
Sensitive and ambitious
A live-wire and its conduit
Bold and powerless in transmission

Mystic in a concrete kingdom
We dwell in grandiosity
In this existential wasteland
We dwell in poverty

Light up your Joules per second
Eject your free energy
Spike that ball and give it to me

Priestess in the concrete patriarchy
in the gutter
in your mind and in your ego

Priestess at the concrete interface
at the resistance
at the critical nodes
We drive the New Girls’ Network

Ignite your Joules per second
Transmit your free energy
Spike that ball and give it to me

prophetess of Diesel and blistering entropy
reckless information and persistent decay
beacon of persuasion and persistent connection
spike that ball and give it to me
spike that ball and give it to me
spike that ball and give it to me

feminine Chakras

I’m a bit of a mystic, and draw my practices and insight from multiple mystical traditions. My experiences mostly relate to Christian mysticism, which is largely ignored in the West, but I get around: I’ve prayed in Hindu ceremonies, dropped LSD to vision quest, and experienced healing through Sufi faith-healing rituals; to name a few.

So I think often about “energy” in a spiritual context. Nothing measurable in Joules (I used to be a mechanical engineer)–we are talking about something transcendent. Good vibes, bad vibes. Adding an engineering equation to the discussion, we can talk about “power” as “energy flow per second”. In mystical terms we can say “power” is “energy flow”: Then we can speak of optimism as power source and pessimism as power sink. Depression as power blackhole.

A few writers and lecturers talk about feminine energy versus masculine energy. (We are ignoring the complication of the non-binary here). At first I did not know what to do with this information. I certainly noticed my spirituality become more feminine over the last three years. So much that when I was once denied entrance to a male-only section of a mosque I visited, I felt “right with the universe”. (I accidentally tried to enter the male-only section, would never do that on purpose).

A lecturer I really like stated that feminine energy emits from the womb-space [4]. I discovered her while searching for resources to help me increase my feminine presence and decrease my masculine one.

Then a friend of mine told me about Chakras from the tantric traditions. These are (mystical) energetic focal points of the body meant to be awakened and mastered [1], presumably through spiritual practice like some forms of yoga.

Combining these two ideas I considered the possible intersection of Chakra practice with developing feminine energy. Immediately turned to Google…

Indeed the Chakras themselves are divided into feminine and masculine ones. The first resource I found, [2], stated that the goal is to bring the masculine and feminine energy into alignment.

I’ll have no part of that! This girl will have nothing to do with a masculine psyche and spirit.

But [3] had something really great to say about the “lower three” Chakras, the “feminine” Chakras.

These are the first three rungs on the energetic ladder that lift us up to achieve loftier goals while giving us a stable base on which to stand.

I like this! A lot. Read this as a spiritual mandate to get my feminine energy in tune with the universe. Expect I’ll experience significantly better mental health if I do.

References

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chakra

2. https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-16169/5-ways-to-access-your-divine-feminine-through-your-sacral-chakra.html

3. https://www.lightworkersworld.com/2013/04/the-feminine-chakras-wellbeing-worthiness-and-weight/

4.

lyrics: “Smelly Cunt”

I referred to this song in my recent post “a smelly cunt and a mission from God“, so provide the lyrics here. The piece comes from my debut album “City of God“. The post “this is transgender music” offers a detailed explanation of the lyrics.

Recording

Lyrics

I’ve never had a smelly cunt
but I still fear men in the dark
I’ve never had a smelly cunt
but I still fear rape in the dark

its not who you fuck
its not a caste, not abstraction
there’s no release from this, no algorithm,
no relief

I’ve never had a smelly cunt
so where’s my equal pay?
I’ve never had a smelly cunt
still I’m not a part of this “club”

its social abstraction,
genetic algorithm,
brain development flux
but I know its easier for you to assume I want attention

I’ve never had a smelly cunt
and I’m a better woman than you are

rocker chick walks into a bar…

I’ve noticed that when a well-dressed woman walks into a bar carrying an electric guitar, she gets significant attention from men; far more than that the same woman would receive if she carried an acoustic guitar instead.

delivering sex appeal to a job interview

About a week ago I attended my first job interview as a woman. There was so much more to think about than before:

  • Fear of discrimination as a woman interviewing for a technical and scientific position
  • Fear of discrimination as a transgender person
  • Keeping my voice in a feminine pitch range for the duration of the interview
  • What to wear

I dealt with the first two concerns by just giving my best absolute possible performance. Nothing else I can do. Similarly, I held the voice up as best I could—really can’t sustain a feminine voice beyond an hour. In other words, nothing much I could do about that than the constant practicing I’ve been doing.

The only real leverage I felt was in choosing what to wear. I originally was going to wear a suit. However, I bluntly decided to favor showing sex appeal instead, choosing an outfit that shows legs and curves (but still wholly appropriate). The company is made solely of men at this point, and I wanted to get into their heads in more ways than just intellectually.

We’ll see how this worked shortly. Here is what I wore:

enjoying a man’s patronization

Today at the bar a man I’d never seen before glanced at my highly scarred arm and said:

“Oh sweetie, looks like you got an owie.”

He appeared roughly ten years older than me and quite attractive. Nice voice. Nice pheromones. I liked him immediately.

Yes the words patronized me—treated me like a child. (He would never have said it this way to a man–to an equal). But I chose to enjoy the patronization as evidence of my successful transition. Figuring this will be the norm from now on, I responded by telling him, in my sultriest feminine voice, how I got the scar.

I’m a badass.

But get really turned on when a man “puts me in my place” through (kindly expressed) sexism.

the ideal woman (Hell’s r&d department)

I’m simply going to quote the section on creating the “ideal woman” from the Screwtape Letters. You can purchase the book in multiple formats here.

In a rough and ready way, of course, this question is decided for us by spirits far deeper down in the Lowerarchy than you and I. It is the business of these great masters to produce in every age a general misdirection of what may be called sexual “taste”. This they do by working through the small circle of popular artists, dressmakers, actresses and advertisers who determine the fashionable type. The aim is to guide each sex away from those members of the other with whom spiritually helpful, happy, and fertile marriages are most likely.

Thus we have now for many centuries triumphed over nature to the extent of making certain secondary characteristics of the male (such as the beard) disagreeable to nearly all the females—and there is more in that than you might suppose. As regards the male taste we have varied a good deal. At one time we have directed it to the statuesque and aristocratic type of beauty, mixing men’s vanity with their desires and encouraging the race to breed chiefly from the most arrogant and prodigal women. At another, we have selected an exaggeratedly feminine type, faint and languishing, so that folly and cowardice, and all the general falseness and littleness of mind which go with them, shall be at a premium.

At present we are on the opposite tack. The age of jazz has succeeded the age of the waltz, and we now teach men to like women whose bodies are scarcely distinguishable from those of boys. Since this is a kind of beauty even more transitory than most, we thus aggravate the female’s chronic horror of growing old (with many excellent results) and render her less willing and less able to bear children. And that is not all.

We have engineered a great increase in the licence which society allows to the representation of the apparent nude (not the real nude) in art, and its exhibition on the stage or the bathing beach. It is all a fake, of course; the figures in the popular art are falsely drawn; the real women in bathing suits or tights are actually pinched in and propped up to make them appear firmer and more slender and more boyish than nature allows a full-grown woman to be.

Yet at the same time, the modern world is taught to believe that it is being “frank” and “healthy” and getting back to nature. As a result we are more and more directing the desires of men to something which does not exist—making the rôle of the eye in sexuality more and more important and at the same time making its demands more and more impossible. What follows you can easily forecast!

renaming my penis

Many guys name their penises. I never did until about ten years ago when my spouse at the time asked me what mine’s name is. I jokingly and instantly responded “Penelope”. What I didn’t think of until last night was the similarity between the words “Penel(ope)” and “penile”. However, I’m now working under the theory that I did make a subconscious—and rather witty—connection at the time.

So I had a girl’s name (fits who I am) for my cock, though the name has a masculine subtext in context (not a good fit). So I decided to give my penis another girl’s name, one without any subtle masculinity.

Moreover, I quickly named it “Emily” to enforce the mind-body connection. The damn thing is a part of me for now whether I like it or not, and I do gain pleasure from its use. “Emily” will undergo surgical metamorphosis soon, but I’ll keep the name.

Emily is changing. And it is good!

new album!

Just released a new album today:

The cover photo was taken of graffiti in Kashmir. Three of the songs explore my evolving feminine sexuality. The other two are sitar instrumentals.

Three of the songs on this album are described in my post “this is transgender music” if you are interested.

 

vision quest, punishment, and burning desire

I’m on a conscious mission to rid all my remaining masculinity from my subconscious, and I’m constantly looking for tools to help me do it. — From my post “corset training

Smoking weed puts me in touch with my base sexuality like nothing else, and femininity consumes my base sexuality. And my base sexuality demands complete femininity.

So should I follow Timothy Leary’s approach and smoke pot to engineer my subconscious?

If so, how would I do it? Marijuana delivers two major challenges: Inaction and likely distortion of the memory-forming process. So I’d need a robust plan for successfully enacting an “engineering” activity while high. Then it might be a crap-shoot regarding what I retain.

We are not talking about surgical precision here.

Timothy Leary preferred LSD anyway. I’ve taken it once, and remember the key life lessons learned from the trip (even after over 20 years). Perhaps a vision quest now that I’m a woman is the ticket?

I’m likely going to pass on the LSD approach for two reasons: First, I don’t want to do anything that will jeopardize my forthcoming gender-affirmation surgery and its long term success. Second, it probably won’t help my struggles with bipolar disorder.

I’ll also pass on using marijuana as a tool for engineering my subconscious. There are just too many variables for a controlled process.

I don’t think behavior modification as a psychological practice survived long in psychology after B. F. Skinner. The exceptions I’ve seen are the highly related cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT).

CBT and DBT work by developing conscious skills for managing subconscious responses to stimuli. This is simply training and practice.

This points to the core: I think the only behavioral modification strategy that really works is training and practice.

In sissy games, the dominant partner often employs punishment in attempt to drive out masculine behavior and masculine thinking. I suspect this ultimately fails, as it probably just breeds resentment and frustration—even if the person being subjugated “wants” it. And there really is no incentive for the sissy to change if both partners “like” the punishment cycle.

This points to an even deeper core: I think the only behavioral modification strategy that really works is burning internal desire for change.

work of art, work in progress

I believe that many trans individuals simply want the freedom to be who they are.

I want so much more! Am creating a full-blown work of art out of my personality, my appearance, my grace, my spirituality, and my femininity.