lessons in sexual technique from a professional

This story is currently under review and revision to ensure use of respectful terminology and clear statement of goals:

“Become a world-class lover. Own yourself. Own your power.” – Emily Marie Williams

My research concerning quality sexual technique leads me interesting places, most of which I will not reveal.

On this website, I’ve previously discussed my agenda to strengthen and expand women’s sexual skill—to serve as a means for gaining social power—as a means of advancing feminism. (See my article “power and sexual technique” [1] for an explanation of this position).

Furthermore, while the current shortfall in the quality of intimate relationships greatly exceeds the realm of sexuality (i.e., most problems emit from abuse, poor mental health, unreasonable expectations, weak communication, and selfishness), it wouldn’t hurt if couples experienced better sexual play while they addressed these other matters.

To put my money where my mouth is, I’ve spent the last several months extending my sexual knowledge and technique. Until now most of that information has come from books, which proves a limited means of learning tactile skills. Certainly books provide information the brain needs to practice quality sex—as the brain is the most important sex organ—but at some point one needs to get hands-on training from an expert.

This article illustrates my recruitment of expert training, detailing a method readers can apply in their own lives:

I have a friend who works as the matron of a Mexican brothel. Not sure whether prostitution is legal in the rough-and-tumble northern border region of Mexico, or if it is merely tolerated. Nonetheless, I was staying at her house while enjoying the Baja sunshine and looking for a property to rent or buy.

(ASIDE: If you ever run into trouble anywhere in Mexico, the most well-connected person in town—i.e., the one that can help you the most—is the matron of the town’s brothel).

She introduced me to her friend who worked for many years as an international porn star, and who, after aging out of that profession, now turns tricks for a living. We carried on pleasant conversation for several hours.

I told her about my agenda (described above) for improving the lives of American women through improving their sex lives. I told her about my study of sexual technique.

Intrigued by the idea, she offered me a private lesson so that I can take new skills home with me to teach others.

I of course paid her the standard rate for her time, plus $50 to my friend for letting us use her bed.

But she did not merely fuck me.

Instead she spent three hours instructing me in great detail. I think it was fun for her—she appeared to enjoy sharing her professional knowledge—it was not just another trick with another client. (Besides, I’m a pleasant person to be around).

She taught me positions, tongue work, the best time to put the condom on, etc. We spent a lot of time on oral sex, with her demonstrating the best method on my hardware and coaching me as I returned the favor on her hardware.

Taking a cue from Tantric tradition, she taught me how to align my partner’s Chakras [see Reference #2] to prepare them for sexual pleasure. She taught me massage techniques.

She instructed me regarding etiquette.

As a whore, she taught me from a whore’s perspective: How to encourage shy men to touch, how to communicate with men, how to negotiate price with them. She gave examples of what some men like and what others don’t, and how to find out. The examples were pretty stark, reminding me clearly of her professional activity. For example she would tell me the differences between yesterday’s client and her scheduled client for tomorrow. She instructed me on how to deal with men’s differing erection stiffness abilities.

In other words, she taught me all the skills I need to become a successful whore.

Afterward, we spent the rest of the day together chatting like friends. I checked in on her comfort level with me several times, and I think her frequent answer of “si” was genuine. Further evidence for this came when she asked if she could share a bed with me that night—not for sex—not even for cuddling—just for sleeping. I of course did not touch her during the night, as we made no agreement permitting it, and she slept soundly to the best of my knowledge.

I’m just happy that, in addition to the skills I learned, that a woman who might otherwise be cynical about her clients genuinely enjoyed spending the day and night with me.

See Also

power and the art of seduction

References

  1. power and sexual technique
  2. feminine Chakras

god likes scientists

I don’t believe in astrology, but I do firmly believe in the Resurrection. As far as scientific evidence goes, both prove equally absurd. WTF? Why accept even one of them? Why not both? I have no good answer for this!

I could say that “events” in my life confirm my Christian experience, but that might be pattern recognition bias—seeing confirmation of my faith in patterns that my brain constructs out of non-patterned signal (because brains do that [1]).

Similarly, because I’ve never bothered to look for confirmation of astrological interpretations of my life, I’ve never “found” them in my life narrative. Again, pattern recognition bias.

Perhaps—and I am so completely unfamiliar with astrology to know for sure—astrology is about finding comfort in the universe’s design—that there is a “plan”. Is there anything in astrology that is meant to be uncomfortable? I don’t know!

The Christian experience is not comfortable; at least I don’t seek it out for comfort with regard to my place the universe. If God asks me to, I’ll perform God’s work in Hell.

Maybe its about love: I do not perceive that the universe as expressed as stars, planets, mass, and energy “loves” me. But I need to feel love and the Christian narrative offers that. The Resurrection itself is a love story.

Perhaps I created God in my image—an image of a human who needs love. And the need for love comes from evolutionary psychology; human-to-human attachment driving tribal cooperation, driving survival, driving gene propagation. The selfish gene [2].

“What is truth?” retorted the Pilate [3].

I’m going to continue trusting God and continue trusting my faith in God, even without these questions answered. And the God I believe in wants us to wrestle with these matters; God gave us brains and expects us to use them critically.

God likes scientists: “Doubting” Thomas just wanted evidence. He was not rejected for asking for it.

“Faith” and “belief” mean different things. I see “belief” as getting hung up on the facts—where science and logic matter to defining reality. “Belief” has its place: For example I believe in “F=m*a” at appropriate velocities and definitely believe in God’s existence and love.

But I do not emphasize belief in my spiritual practice, which is where “faith” comes in. “Faith”, in my book, is trusting the divine deep within my soul without needing to understand all the particulars about where things are headed.

Sometimes faith doesn’t even require much commitment to reality. I tell a story in my article “an allegory of affection from a Hindu goddess” about a visitation by Durga that I experienced during a dream. I do not worry about whether this visit really happened or not; the experience enriched my faith in the Christian god while enhancing my understanding of Hinduism. I’m not going to argue about what is “real” in this situation. Rather, I’ll just accept the personal growth that came of it.

This is the embrace of faith.

References

  1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apophenia
  2. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Selfish_Gene
  3. John 18:38 (New International Version)
  4. The image below is copied from https://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Scientist.

thinking big (part #1)

Declaring I’m a “big thinker” understates it. I channel more creativity than a single human can ever bring to fruition, so I’m now going to simply start logging ideas on a somewhat weekly to monthly basis in case others want to take them on, or collaborate with me.

So, here are this week’s big ideas, many of which I received while driving between Carmel and San Simeon on California Highway 1:

Censorship-Resistant Microblogging

For two weeks I’ve been developing a blog post in my head about using Blockchain as a tool for censorship-resistant microblogging. The article will discuss a particular platform’s solution, not survey all possible options (which I’ll do later). It will take the form of a “how to” post.

Technology that Responds to Desertification

Climate change will likely promote heavy desertification. We have two angles to take regarding technological response:

First, we can develop technology that resists the desertification process itself. Think infrastructure and environmental engineering by nation-states. However, given that I do not expect nation-states to be able to respond functionally to rapid desertification, I offer the following alternative:

Second, develop high technology for single family, tribe, and/or homestead use. I’m thinking composting systems that capture water as it is off-gassed. I’m thinking distilling water from urine. Micro-desalination for folks living right against the coast. Massively effective composting reactions from food waste. Capturing and distilling sweat. Capture water from fuel cell use (if I remember correctly how fuel cells work).

That latter social layout risks invoking the “tragedy of the commons” with regard to well water. So we need water-efficient farming technology such as hydroponics and good social compacts.

Adverse Possession

I once claimed squatter’s rights (technically “adverse possession”) to a ten-acre piece of abandoned land. Applied data science to find the ideal property.

About to start the process again, and refine the method.

I’ll give special consideration to developing a strategy that supports the needs of RV boondockers.

Fuzzy Logic-Based Women’s Body Shape Calculator

I wrote a women’s body shape calculator, where one enters their measurements and receives a classification of their body shape into one of the classic style-guide shapes (e.g., “apple”, “rectangular”). My post “artificial intelligence in fashion (part two: a first step)” introduces this tool.

However, I am unhappy with the use of crisp computation by this tool and would rather replace it with fuzzy reasoning, to reflect differences in expert opinion about what makes what body shape what. Then users will receive more informative results. For example, instead of reporting that a user’s measurements indicate a strictly “rectangular” body shape, the fuzzy reasoning-based method could declare that the same use is 90% “rectangular” and 10% “hourglass”.

Blockchain

Blockchain matters. Learn it inside and out. Learn about the “internet of money”. Learn about “discretized valuation”. Program it. “Get” it.

Expand My Social Media Footprint

People generally like what I have to say online, and I believe it provides social value. So therefore I want to expand my reach. This is not so much for my “glory” as it is to promote diverse voices in media. My agenda is to “transmit” what is given to me.

So I will apply my full data scientist brain to this task and see what happens! Perhaps it starts with measurement?

Extract More Precise Signal from the Media Firehose

My friend Epochryphal challenged me to think of improved ways to capture, sort, and process online content as it emerges. I started them off by recommending an RSS reader but we agreed the problem requires a better solution. My next move involves checking out Feedly.

Practice Navigating Without a Smart Phone

I ran into a situation where I needed a road atlas due to lack of wireless service, but didn’t have one. Not good! Such an atlas might also prove important if one is running from the law and cannot have their cellular phone turned on (to avoid tracking).

Dead reckoning is a powerful skill. Nurture it.

Revisit Development of Technology for “Off-Grid” Living

A primal value of mine. Will discuss specifics in later posts.

LSD-25 and CRISPR/Cas9

Use CRISPR/Cas9 to engineer a fungus or a mold to safely produce clean LSD-25 on a table top.

Grow a Vagina in a Petri Dish from Stem Cells

I’m not happy with current male-to-female gender affirmation surgery technique. Let’s grow a vagina and clitoris from reprogrammed stem cells and then install it.

the “system” and all the bars on the cage

If you only see one bar at a time, you will not know that you reside in a cage. Here I attempt a systemic view, a whole picture. This work requires further refinement, but it’s a good start:

Update 5 August 2018

I received the following (welcome) response to this graphic:

I responded as follows:

If you only see one bar at a time, you will not know that you reside in a cage. The hope in this is that a picture explains quickly what takes 1,000 CNN and Huffington Post editorials to say.

I don’t know how to teach lateral, non-linear thinking, but hope lies in teaching young people that actions often have compounding and unexpected consequences. I know from being an engineer (engineers are the worst culprits of linear thinking) how easy it is to miss the big picture.

I summarized this concept in “Emily’s 1st Law of System Complexity“:

“For every reduction, there is a greater and opposite clusterfuck.”

My hope flies high, or I wouldn’t be writing my book, wouldn’t be mapping systems, wouldn’t be operating a business. And I usually operate “one soul at a time”–mentoring individuals, providing friendship, giving my best to relationships in the moment they take place.

It’s a labor of love, and love is built on hope:

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV)

 

cybernetic cunt

I don’t own a clitoris and I don’t own a g-spot. But I posit that I “hit” them orgasmically using my mind.

The thing is, (I think) all humans hold the genetic code for this anatomy, regardless of phenotype. We all therefore likely possess the neural mappings “connected” to the activation of these nerves. Taking estrogen and suppressing my testosterone probably strengthens these neural pathways.

So take your brain and focus your next orgasm where you want it.

“Z-Spot” (Update 10 August 2018)

I wrote this post based solely on my own psychosexual experience, and therefore was pleased when my genderqueer friend Epochryphal read the article and stated that the idea also resonated with them. Sometime prior to our conversation they coined the term “z-spot” to describe the concept.

You can read Epochryphal’s fabulous blog here.

curvilinear optimism

Consider the following exponential growth curve:

This shows how the possible consequences of a decision do not just vary over time; the magnitude of that variance itself increases with time. For example, suppose you do something reckless like join the circus, start a business, or express love. You not only do not know the short- and long-term consequences, but the variance in the possible consequences widens as time moves forward.

So where is the optimism in this you might ask?  With uncertainty lies the opportunity to create exceptional outcomes!

Now consider the exact same curve, with completely different annotation:

When we make bold decisions, consequences follow. Then we must decide how to proceed as those consequences roll in. But the number of available good responses increases with time, because wisdom increases, data flows in, and time settles disruption.

Optimism is a skill.

an allegory of affection from a Hindu goddess

I experienced the following dream:

Walking through wilderness, I came upon a female tiger. She considered me, and I considered her—I calculated my next move through my fear, she simply calculated. Rapidly concluded that if I ran she’d chase me down and eat me.

So I held my head up and approached her gently. Reached out my hand and scratched between her ears. Petted her. This continued for hours despite my terror. She rolled over and cuddled with me.

She then protected me from the other tigers occupying the distance.

This relationship stood way out of my league; as I shared affection with a beautiful animal that could kill me in an instant. Yet I knew the correct path forward was to deliver genuine care to my new friend, rather than back away in fear.

The tiger then transformed into a powerful, beautiful, and wealthy woman. Beyond out of my league. But we became friends. We became lovers. She simply liked me for the courage I demonstrated when I approached and gave affection to her tiger.

When I woke up, I realized that the Hindu goddess Durga associates with tigers. Durga rides a tiger into battle to destroy demons associated with ignorance and discord. She’s badass: When she takes the form of Kali she drinks the blood of demons to prevent that blood from springing forth new demons as it splatters the ground.

Anyway, a goddess who rides a tiger into battle carrying six weapons and who drinks the blood of evil spirits is one to be feared, just like the tiger evokes fear.

Yet my constant bravery in life earned her respect and affection, and she therefore visited me in this dream.

Image source:  https://blog.sivanaspirit.com/true-things-durga-never-knew/

thriving vs. merely surviving

Often I lose sight of my longterm goal (to thrive) to make room in my psyche for my short term survival goals related to preventing self harm. Realized this morning that this behavior only “positively” feedbacks into the distress itself—that giving a measured quantity of attention toward thriving will better dampen the distress in the long run. (We call this dampening “negative” feedback in control engineering—the terms don’t sound intuitive: In engineering, “negative” feedback is the good kind of feedback when you want to keep something stable [1]! See the bottom of this post for pictorial examples of the two types of feedback).

So on that note, here are two ways I’m directing attention toward thriving:

Mindfulness proves a well-known strategy for improving mental health [2]. However, the only mindfulness activity that has ever worked for me so far is live performance, whether music or giving a speech. So to increase my mindfulness time, I plan to increase my stage time.

Moreover, I plan to add a mindfulness component to my instrumental practice time. (This has never worked in the past—I become too distracted, but I’m confident I can substantially improve the skill this time). So I’m going back to basics: Fingering exercises on my sitar and basic stick technique on my new drum set. I’m relatively new to both instruments so think that the activity of building mindfulness skill as part of building my instrumental skills will complement each other well.

Inventory of successes: I’ve always been one to count my blessings, but now I’m adding a weekly inventory of each week’s successes. Writing them down. Makes me feel great. Directs my emotions toward states that permit delivery of energy toward thriving!

An Example of Each Type of Feedback Loop

Just extra credit for ambitious readers…

This image comes from [3]. The top part shows how negative feedback keeps a basic ecological system stable. Similar negative feedback loops regulate serotonin production by the brain [4], a key process in stabilization of mental health.

The second part shows how positive feedback causes both system variables, success and motivation, to feed each other’s growth. A mental health example: Consider a system containing only the two variables “mania” and “lack of sleep”. In a person with bipolar disorder, one will feed expansion of the other. This effect is known as “snowballing” by systems scientists; as a snowball rolls down a hill it gets larger, and as it gets larger, its capacity for adding snow increases so it gets larger still.

References

  1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feedback
  2. https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/types/mindfulness-based-interventions
  3. https://www.scisnack.com/2015/08/04/why-negative-feedback-is-good-for-the-climate/
  4. https://link.springer.com/chapter/10.1007/978-1-4684-3860-4_26

a corset and an LSD trip

I’ve dropped acid trice in my life, both times for religious reasons. The first time was on New Year’s Eve in 1993, and the second last Saturday.

During the latter experience I took detailed notes, which I may publish on this blog in the future. What can I say? I’m a scientist!

I respect the drug, so before each trip, I took prudent steps to ensure physical and psychological safety. So this last time I tripped while wearing an extremely tight-laced corset. You see, corsets make me feel cozy—like being constantly hugged. I wear them whenever I’m experiencing psychological distress, which is often. They comfort me. (Please don’t ask me to explain this right now—I know why, but I’ll save that matter for a later article).

I believed this decision helped keep me remain positively “grounded” during the trip; i.e., it limited the risk of a “bad” trip. I would have embraced a “bad” trip as educational, but I’m happy to report my experience went fabulously. Took advantage of LSD-driven thought processes to gain clarity regarding my love life and my frequent suicidal ideation.

More generally, I made sure to dress extremely feminine before proceeding. I expect this helped as well. Note the lace socks in the picture below. (Also note that I wore lace gloves during the trip which are not pictured below):

fans control the music: using AI to measure fan enthusiasm at EDC

We invented technology to enhance the fan/performer connection. Vote for Team Ambience at EDC!

DJs and more traditional musicians require realtime audience feedback during performances. However, often we cannot see our audience—their movement, their facial expressions, etc.—during shows due to stage lighting. Therefore we cannot gauge their enthusiasm, and therefore cannot alter our performance to respond.

We at Team Ambience invented a means for measuring such audience enthusiasm using a video camera and artificial intelligence (AI). Our solution reports mood metrics and summarizes crowd movement directly to performers’ phones. (Many musicians, myself included, perform with an iPhone connected to our mic stands).

We developed our prototype from scratch while attending the Amazon- and Intel-sponsored “Hack Till Dawn – A Deep Learning Hackathon: Use Machine Learning to Revolutionize EDC Festivals” event last weekend. At this hacking competition, teams competed to win tickets to the Electric Daisy Carnival (EDC) by developing AI technologies designed to improve fan experiences at large music festivals. By strengthening performers’ ability to “read” the audience in realtime, our invention definitely enhances the fan experience by enabling performers to better craft their shows according to audience sentiment.

EDC will feature Team Ambience’s (our) solution, along with those of two additional winning teams, at three kiosks positioned throughout the festival this coming weekend. Fans will vote on their favorite idea—we certainly encourage you to vote for us!

Demonstration

Reading Audience Facial Expressions

The first video below shows us presenting different facial expressions to performers. The phone in the lower right reports our mood:

Zooming in on the phone application itself, note the change as the music changes:

Reading Audience Movement

Is the audience jumping, are they swaying? If so, how much? Consider the following video [1]:

From this we measure audience movement intensity and report it:

Additional Applications

The audience metrics described hold value not only to performers, but also to venue owners, booking agencies, and artist managers. We provide a business dashboard for such stakeholders:

Furthermore, as a composer/performer, I envision creating an AI that composes and improvises with me on-the-fly using audience feedback.

Technical Details

We used the Amazon machine learning stack, along with a DeepLens camera:

AWS DeepLens

We could not have achieved this without a complimentary AWS DeepLens camera (thanks Amazon!). This wireless video camera contains a dedicated machine learning chip, along with preloaded algorithms. Furthermore, you can add your own algorithms. The whole solution is tightly integrated with the rest of the AWS machine learning stack. Click on the image below to go to the DeepLens page. (Disclosure: I am an affiliate marketer for Amazon).

References

  1. I apologize that I do not know the source of this video.

blockchain is punk

Wide distribution of power lies at the heart of anarchistic thinking. While “punk” and “anarchy” do not necessarily imply one another, they often overlap. Punks tend to balk at centralized authority, as do anarchists. A short leap of logic concludes that we therefore dislike centralized technology.

Concentration in technology long parallels concentration in political power. For example, our abandonment of hunting and gathering in favor of agriculture let to the formation of the state. The Industrial Revolution created modern class divisions. Algorithmic credit score models, opaque and controlled by few, moderate our economic options.

Early in my mechanical engineering career, I realized that if we as a society end material scarcity—through local, distributed control of capital—we will free the world from the chains of classism. Envisioned village- or homestead-sized power power stations, local production of hydrogen to power transportation, homestead-based food production (via hydroponics and synthetic biology), and local manufacture through technologies like 3D printing. And of course, I envisioned a fully distributed data infrastructure. A place for the state exists in this vision, for example they will pave roads, but the state would hold less power in my scenario than it does in the world today.

Large businesses would also lose centralized power, though they will continue to exist and thrive. We’ll need them to produce technology to drive the transition to a (liberated) post-scarcity society—manufacturing an iPhone for instance requires significant investment and raw material sourcing infrastructure. Therefore we’ll have to reward the these businesses appropriately. But we can pilot the business models of large enterprises toward wide distribution of stake, such that the line between producers and consumers blurs.

So far I’ve only briefly mentioned the subject of data centralization, as I felt it better to explain my overall ethic in terms of wider technical matters, in terms of anthropology. Now we zero in on computing, and data in particular:

In the 1990’s I labeled myself “cyberpunk”. Our epic heroes (e.g. Case in Neuromancer) broke information free from the highly centralized control, often distributing it to the people (a la Chevette Washington in Virtual Light). I practiced these values with urgency while resisting US West as a BBS sysop and through over a decade of Linux hacking (the time period in the early 2000’s when Microsoft fought tooth-and-nail to kill open-source software). I practiced these values when I data-mined Ventura County’s online tax delinquency records to find abandoned land to park my RV on.

Most data today resides under centralized control. My bank likely runs a single database to store my account information (we are ignoring practical matters such dev/test servers and sharding). The California Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) likely stores my truck’s title information in a single location. The United States Treasury controls the American money supply (financial transactions may be thought of as information flow—an abstraction—a numerical measurement of value—i.e., “data”).

If I sell my truck, I have to tell the DMV so they can update their records. I’d rather register the transaction on the decentralized Ethereum blockchain. And if money is data, let’s manage it as decentralized currency!

Blockchain technology dilutes concentrated power. Distributes data (and therefore power) more evenly amongst stakeholders.

This punk, this anarchist, never grew up. She simply grew practical in the short term without losing her long-term concept for the world. She regards blockchain as a bridge between this short-term practicality and the long term vision.

See also:

why we still need cyberpunk