new song: “3Jane”

Lyrics Growing a new philosophy is it grand design, or subtle folly? The serpent was anything but… …but this was an engineered forest, its fruit a postmodern delight Recording Experiments by Axis Evil Explanation Wrote this sometime in the late 1990’s while working through my gender dysphoria (and identity and bipolar disorder in general) as […]

fighting psychosis with psychosis

This method isn’t for the weak-minded: But I’m not a bit weak-minded and the strategy described below suggested potential when I tested it on myself. (That makes this an n=1 study—hardly scientific—but exploratory research has to start somewhere!). Background: I carry a long and well-documented case of bipolar disorder, and have become skilled at handling […]

thriving vs. merely surviving

Often I lose sight of my longterm goal (to thrive) to make room in my psyche for my short term survival goals related to preventing self harm. Realized this morning that this behavior only “positively” feedbacks into the distress itself—that giving a measured quantity of attention toward thriving will better dampen the distress in the […]

publishing a cry for relief

Here is a letter I wrote about four weeks ago. I’m publishing it now because these stories must be made public for the world to become a better place: ———–, I’m sorry but I’m extremely suicidal and need (and wholeheartedly trust) your intervention. You know I’m no drama queen, you know I struggle with mental […]

draft lyrics about bipolar disorder and gender dysphoria

I wrote these lyrics a decade ago to explain bipolar disorder to myself. They also are about distraction-seeking behavior with regard to the stress of gender dysphoria: I was a kid driving blind when I wanted distraction Looking for God or a new manic high Looking for privilege or a new discontentment Looking for someone […]