numb penis

To prepare for gender affirmation surgery, I’m having hair removed from my testes and penile shaft through electrolysis. To manage pain, I numb the area prior to each session using tetracaine.

I like having a numb penis. Then I can’t feel a part of my body that I don’t particularly want, don’t feel particularly attached to.

embracing the vibrator

Two things:

  1. I’ll need to dilate my vagina regularly once I have my gender affirmation surgery.
  2. Due to the hormones I’m taking, it is getting harder and harder by the day to orgasm through penile stimulation.

In response I’ve come to love my new anal vibrator, which I purchased yesterday.

Using it regularly (and keeping it clean) will help me form the habit of inserting something into my new vagina every day after my surgery.

But more immediately, it is gratifying to use it now—and not just sexually. I feel more feminine when I’m inserting an object into my body for pleasure. Like I’ve accepted my feminine identity and am happy with it.

Frankly, I enjoy receiving a good anal fuck, and this is a nice substitute when I’m lonely. It’s all warm and tingly inside and taking care of myself in this way makes me feel special.

I even pray while using it. I’ve always thought prayer during sexual activity makes sense anyway.

Update 23 October 2017

But I always kept the location of the vibrator discrete in case guests came suddenly. The result was I could never find it–and it was never charged–when I wanted it.

Having no shame–shame is for inauthentic people–I decided instead to hang it up on the wall of my RV next to my bed for easy access. The I designed the mechanism to allow leaving the vibrator in place while traveling, such that it won’t get damaged.

I’m not ashamed of who I am. Here is picture of my solution: