Headbangers’ Ball

I just took a random sample [1] from the pool of 1980’s “Headbangers’ Ball” episodes [2], and counted the ratio of woman-fronted bands to man-fronted bands. The result is 2:29.

References

  1. “Headbangers’ Ball – Best of 1988” – Aired 7 January 1989
  2. https://www.headbangersballunofficialtributesite.com/episode-database

Grrl on Grrl Podcast interviewed me!

Today my interview with Grrl on Grrl Podcast came out!  We discuss, among other things,

  • The science of gender identity
  • The music of Axis Evil
  • “Ladylike” behavior as a source of personal empowerment
  • Cultural appropriation
  • Psychosexuality
  • Model minorities

Big thanks to June Owatari of Grrl on Grrl Podcast for working so hard to put this together! The music presented during the interviews may be downloaded here.

 

enjoying a man’s patronization

Today at the bar a man I’d never seen before glanced at my highly scarred arm and said:

“Oh sweetie, looks like you got an owie.”

He appeared roughly ten years older than me and quite attractive. Nice voice. Nice pheromones. I liked him immediately.

Yes the words patronized me—treated me like a child. (He would never have said it this way to a man–to an equal). But I chose to enjoy the patronization as evidence of my successful transition. Figuring this will be the norm from now on, I responded by telling him, in my sultriest feminine voice, how I got the scar.

I’m a badass.

But get really turned on when a man “puts me in my place” through (kindly expressed) sexism.

working out my concept of “lady” (part 2: my revolutionary demand)

I’m developing a vision of what “being a lady” means to me (and only me!), with the full intent to live it out boldly and dramatically for the rest of my life.

Notice I said “lady” here, not “woman”. I feel I have to constantly remind people that these are different concepts. As I’ve stated before, I’ve achieved womanhood, but not my personal ambition of becoming a “lady”.

The first challenge is one of defining what it means to be a “lady” for myself. The second is the mechanics of adopting the habits, mannerisms, and skills for external presentation of the identity; and the mindfulness and psychology for internal ownership of my ideal.

On this blog I have wrestled with these concepts. Will continue to. Broken it down so far into two (there are more to come) major themes: accepting and embracing sexism, and “stagecraft”.

Accepting and Embracing Sexism

From my post “corset training”:

…and it involves taking on many of the classic social constrictions women have faced through the ages. I’ve made a significant personal commitment to this process…

While I fight the patriarchy ideologically, and believe that no woman should be subjugated to it against their will, I’ve accepted that the patriarchy isn’t going away in my lifetime, and that being a woman means dealing with it. I suspect that one yardstick for evaluating how much of a “lady” a woman is measures how well they conform to the patriarchy’s social expectations of women.

So I’m allowing myself to be subjugated. Going to enjoy every moment of it! And that last statement is where my feminist revolution continues—I’m claiming the oppression and re-spinning it for my own ends. For my own liberation.

Plan to live demure while simultaneously expressive. Quiet while loving at full volume. Poised while punk.

One of my favorite things to do is tell men off for not treating me properly. Men frequently send me unsolicited photos of their hardware, and I take extreme joy in responding:

“I am a lady and expect to be treated like one.”

This is my revolutionary demand: I am a lady and expect to be treated like one.

Stagecraft

Here I’m referring to behaviors such as posture, how I walk, how I talk, etc. I see a clear role for the adage “fake it ’til you make it” here: I’ll work on feminine presentation consciously until it becomes habit, and then I’ll keep working on it. For example, while typing this post I stopped myself from “manspreading” multiple times—frequently put my knees and calves back together where they belong.

See Also

My post “double agent for the patriarchy” explores the concept of embracing sexism (and liking it) while holding feminist ideals.

The post “working out my concept of lady (part 1)” begins this series by exploring ancient Hindu evaluations of ladylike behavior and social expectation.

when dating, I hold men to higher standards than women

Now that I have experience dating both men and women, I’ve noticed that I hold men to higher standards than women:

I care how much money they make.

I care more about how stable a man’s career is than I do with women.

I’m willing to end the relationship based on more minor flaws.

There are exceptions: The only man I have ever slept with made a tiny fraction of my income—he simply was courteous. He earned my respect (and my body) just by being a nice guy, and by making a bold request in a polite way. He was not a bit educated. I’ll remember that encounter as one of the best in my life.

I think what this comes down to is that while in general I consider men the “weaker sex”, when I date men I want to feel I am in emotionally strong, capable hands.

By contrast, when I date women, my masculinity comes out and I’m okay being the “strong” one.

I’d rather things be balanced of course, but there is always give and take in a healthy relationship.

The other matter is that I simply like women more than men. So a man has to be exceptional to hold my attention.

enjoying a man’s sexist expectations

A man I am flirting with (rather seriously) expects me to cook for him if I become “his woman”.

This really turns me on.

A complete and somewhat feminist deconstruction of why I like this so much is available in my post “double agent for the patriarchy“.