building tongue endurance for oral sex

When it comes to sex, the fabulous book She Comes First declares that the vagina-carrying population reaches orgasm through cunnilingus 81% of the time, compared with 25% of the time through vaginal intercourse [1]. Therefore, it behooves those of us who enjoy pleasing such individuals to gain skill with oral sex.

One key requirement is tongue endurance — you need to be able to last long enough to light your partner up! Fortunately, you can strengthen your tongue with exercise tools — a “gym” of sorts — devised from parts available from any hardware store. Furthermore, these tools prove easy to clean between workout sessions; just swipe the surfaces with ethanol.

Essentially, exercise your tongue with various light controls — switches, sliders, and rotators, as pictured below. (Note that I had to add a clamp to the rotator to give the tongue something to push against). Use various up and down and side-to-side motions on the switches, varying the pattern. Also employ pushing motions against these. Similarly, apply random movements through the full range of the sliders and the rotators. For all these devices, use them in both vertical and horizontal configurations to work different muscles.

The resistance provided by these devices will strengthen your tongue. That being said, start slowly, then build up; that last muscle you want to pull in the process is the one you speak and kiss with!

Note that I do NOT recommend using the controls already installed in the wall of your house/apartment/whatever. That would be unsanitary since everyone’s hands get all over these. Create a specific “gym” for your tongue like that shown below, and keep your hands off the surfaces:

References

  1. Kerner, Ian. 2004. She Comes First. New York. HarperCollins.

lessons in sexual technique from a professional

This story is currently under review and revision to ensure use of respectful terminology and clear statement of goals:

“Become a world-class lover. Own yourself. Own your power.” – Emily Marie Williams

My research concerning quality sexual technique leads me interesting places, most of which I will not reveal.

On this website, I’ve previously discussed my agenda to strengthen and expand women’s sexual skill—to serve as a means for gaining social power—as a means of advancing feminism. (See my article “power and sexual technique” [1] for an explanation of this position).

Furthermore, while the current shortfall in the quality of intimate relationships greatly exceeds the realm of sexuality (i.e., most problems emit from abuse, poor mental health, unreasonable expectations, weak communication, and selfishness), it wouldn’t hurt if couples experienced better sexual play while they addressed these other matters.

To put my money where my mouth is, I’ve spent the last several months extending my sexual knowledge and technique. Until now most of that information has come from books, which proves a limited means of learning tactile skills. Certainly books provide information the brain needs to practice quality sex—as the brain is the most important sex organ—but at some point one needs to get hands-on training from an expert.

This article illustrates my recruitment of expert training, detailing a method readers can apply in their own lives:

I have a friend who works as the matron of a Mexican brothel. Not sure whether prostitution is legal in the rough-and-tumble northern border region of Mexico, or if it is merely tolerated. Nonetheless, I was staying at her house while enjoying the Baja sunshine and looking for a property to rent or buy.

(ASIDE: If you ever run into trouble anywhere in Mexico, the most well-connected person in town—i.e., the one that can help you the most—is the matron of the town’s brothel).

She introduced me to her friend who worked for many years as an international porn star, and who, after aging out of that profession, now turns tricks for a living. We carried on pleasant conversation for several hours.

I told her about my agenda (described above) for improving the lives of American women through improving their sex lives. I told her about my study of sexual technique.

Intrigued by the idea, she offered me a private lesson so that I can take new skills home with me to teach others.

I of course paid her the standard rate for her time, plus $50 to my friend for letting us use her bed.

But she did not merely fuck me.

Instead she spent three hours instructing me in great detail. I think it was fun for her—she appeared to enjoy sharing her professional knowledge—it was not just another trick with another client. (Besides, I’m a pleasant person to be around).

She taught me positions, tongue work, the best time to put the condom on, etc. We spent a lot of time on oral sex, with her demonstrating the best method on my hardware and coaching me as I returned the favor on her hardware.

Taking a cue from Tantric tradition, she taught me how to align my partner’s Chakras [see Reference #2] to prepare them for sexual pleasure. She taught me massage techniques.

She instructed me regarding etiquette.

As a whore, she taught me from a whore’s perspective: How to encourage shy men to touch, how to communicate with men, how to negotiate price with them. She gave examples of what some men like and what others don’t, and how to find out. The examples were pretty stark, reminding me clearly of her professional activity. For example she would tell me the differences between yesterday’s client and her scheduled client for tomorrow. She instructed me on how to deal with men’s differing erection stiffness abilities.

In other words, she taught me all the skills I need to become a successful whore.

Afterward, we spent the rest of the day together chatting like friends. I checked in on her comfort level with me several times, and I think her frequent answer of “si” was genuine. Further evidence for this came when she asked if she could share a bed with me that night—not for sex—not even for cuddling—just for sleeping. I of course did not touch her during the night, as we made no agreement permitting it, and she slept soundly to the best of my knowledge.

I’m just happy that, in addition to the skills I learned, that a woman who might otherwise be cynical about her clients genuinely enjoyed spending the day and night with me.

See Also

power and the art of seduction

References

  1. power and sexual technique
  2. feminine Chakras

cybernetic cunt

I don’t own a clitoris and I don’t own a g-spot. But I posit that I “hit” them orgasmically using my mind.

The thing is, (I think) all humans hold the genetic code for this anatomy, regardless of phenotype. We all therefore likely possess the neural mappings “connected” to the activation of these nerves. Taking estrogen and suppressing my testosterone probably strengthens these neural pathways.

So take your brain and focus your next orgasm where you want it.

“Z-Spot” (Update 10 August 2018)

I wrote this post based solely on my own psychosexual experience, and therefore was pleased when my genderqueer friend Epochryphal read the article and stated that the idea also resonated with them. Sometime prior to our conversation they coined the term “z-spot” to describe the concept.

You can read Epochryphal’s fabulous blog here.

a non-linear and holistic work ethic

I started working out a holistic map of my work ethic and work values, and quickly found that linearity failed to cut it. Essentially, I need to capture the interdependencies between spiritual, social, and financial wealth. More importantly, I need to illustrate the crucial balance between these factors. Enter non-linear system dynamics:

Simulation, based on ad-hoc parameterization (because there is no way to actually measure most of these variables), demonstrates that I’m at least moving in the correct direction:

Method

Used Vensim PLE to create and simulate the model.

power and sexual technique

Competence proves extremely sexy.

My firm desire (pun intended) is that all women, particularly transgender women, take complete ownership over their presence and their bodies. Presence emits power. Ownership delivers power. Here I refer to “power” in a feminine network sense, enabling women full constructive influence within the relationships they build and expand. These relationships may include friendships, business connections, or romantic partnerships.

In the case of romantic connections, whether short or longterm, sexual competency wins constructive leverage. I therefore encourage all women, and again, particularly transgender women, to study sexual technique. To set an example, I’ve embarked on the reading list given below.

Why do I focus on transgender women in particular? Because we often regard ourselves as “inferior” women and I wish that to cease immediately. Furthermore, we are often sexualized for being transgender rather than treated like human partners. That probably won’t cease but can be manipulated. My opinion is that developing skill in bed resists the former mindset, and shifts control toward transwomen in the latter situation.

Regarding the latter: Instead of thinking of myself as objectified for being trans, I think of myself as having cornered a market. This economic viewpoint empowers. I can set my base price (expectation of a partner) based on scarcity. I can then increase my price (expectation of a partner) by enhancing my sexual technique.

Become a world-class lover. Own yourself. Own your power.

My reading list:

Here is the most famous one, but you should know that sexual technique is only a small part of it. Wikipedia explains this well:

Contrary to western popular perception, the Kama Sutra is not exclusively a sex manual; it presents itself as a guide to a virtuous and gracious living that discusses the nature of love, family life, and other aspects pertaining to pleasure-oriented faculties of human life.

Finally, we must learn to seduce, a skill separate from competency in bed:

draft lyrics: “Gutter Priestess”

Mystic in a concrete kingdom
Sensitive and ambitious
A live-wire and its conduit
Bold and powerless in transmission

Mystic in a concrete kingdom
We dwell in grandiosity
In this existential wasteland
We dwell in poverty

Light up your Joules per second
Eject your free energy
Spike that ball and give it to me

Priestess in the concrete patriarchy
in the gutter
in your mind and in your ego

Priestess at the concrete interface
at the resistance
at the critical nodes
We drive the New Girls’ Network

Ignite your Joules per second
Transmit your free energy
Spike that ball and give it to me

prophetess of Diesel and blistering entropy
reckless information and persistent decay
beacon of persuasion and persistent connection
spike that ball and give it to me
spike that ball and give it to me
spike that ball and give it to me

enjoying a man’s patronization

Today at the bar a man I’d never seen before glanced at my highly scarred arm and said:

“Oh sweetie, looks like you got an owie.”

He appeared roughly ten years older than me and quite attractive. Nice voice. Nice pheromones. I liked him immediately.

Yes the words patronized me—treated me like a child. (He would never have said it this way to a man–to an equal). But I chose to enjoy the patronization as evidence of my successful transition. Figuring this will be the norm from now on, I responded by telling him, in my sultriest feminine voice, how I got the scar.

I’m a badass.

But get really turned on when a man “puts me in my place” through (kindly expressed) sexism.

the ideal woman (Hell’s r&d department)

I’m simply going to quote the section on creating the “ideal woman” from the Screwtape Letters. You can purchase the book in multiple formats here.

In a rough and ready way, of course, this question is decided for us by spirits far deeper down in the Lowerarchy than you and I. It is the business of these great masters to produce in every age a general misdirection of what may be called sexual “taste”. This they do by working through the small circle of popular artists, dressmakers, actresses and advertisers who determine the fashionable type. The aim is to guide each sex away from those members of the other with whom spiritually helpful, happy, and fertile marriages are most likely.

Thus we have now for many centuries triumphed over nature to the extent of making certain secondary characteristics of the male (such as the beard) disagreeable to nearly all the females—and there is more in that than you might suppose. As regards the male taste we have varied a good deal. At one time we have directed it to the statuesque and aristocratic type of beauty, mixing men’s vanity with their desires and encouraging the race to breed chiefly from the most arrogant and prodigal women. At another, we have selected an exaggeratedly feminine type, faint and languishing, so that folly and cowardice, and all the general falseness and littleness of mind which go with them, shall be at a premium.

At present we are on the opposite tack. The age of jazz has succeeded the age of the waltz, and we now teach men to like women whose bodies are scarcely distinguishable from those of boys. Since this is a kind of beauty even more transitory than most, we thus aggravate the female’s chronic horror of growing old (with many excellent results) and render her less willing and less able to bear children. And that is not all.

We have engineered a great increase in the licence which society allows to the representation of the apparent nude (not the real nude) in art, and its exhibition on the stage or the bathing beach. It is all a fake, of course; the figures in the popular art are falsely drawn; the real women in bathing suits or tights are actually pinched in and propped up to make them appear firmer and more slender and more boyish than nature allows a full-grown woman to be.

Yet at the same time, the modern world is taught to believe that it is being “frank” and “healthy” and getting back to nature. As a result we are more and more directing the desires of men to something which does not exist—making the rôle of the eye in sexuality more and more important and at the same time making its demands more and more impossible. What follows you can easily forecast!

sissy fashion

I’m too badass to succeed as a sissy, though I’ll admit I fantasize about the lifestyle. The most I could manage is compliant, submissive housewife.

But I love sissy fashion.

Going to start pulling it off in my day-to-day attire. Started by buying the frilliest dresses I could find and a derby hat. Next going to acquire a few highly flared petticoats.

Because I fucking can.

And I want to get fucked while wearing such attire.

Few live out their dreams.

Here are examples of the look I plan to cultivate:

a derby hat and a sex offer

As per my interest in cultivating a look that screams “feminine”, I bought a derby hat from Goodwill today. At the same time I bought a pair of white high-heeled sandals. Wore both out of the store.

In the parking lot a man immediately pitched a sex offer.

Later that day two additional men expressed clear interest in me, though more subtly.

The look won attention!

I like attention.

on the ethics of loving someone when you are about to transition publicly

So in my last post and in “martyr”, I mentioned “Carol”, who I hold deep feelings for. I fell in love with her approximately two years ago, about three months before my public transition.

When I love somebody romantically, I usually tell them straight away. With Carol, I waited until several months after my transition.

The ethics-based reason was that if I told her I loved her before I told her I was transitioning, and we started dating, it would be unfair to spring my transition on her a few months later. Carol is an open-minded woman, but that is a large pill to swallow.

The other reason I waited is that if she liked me, I might have chickened-out on my public transition, which needed to happen. I wanted to ensure the transition occurred.

explaining what my being “transgender” means to a suitor

I’m getting to know a man I really like, who claims to know that I’m transgender. But I need to ensure he really knows what my being transgender means before we become too serious, so I wrote this description for him. It applies only to me, not to other transgender people.

What My Being Transgender Means

I was born and raised male, and chose to become a woman early in my life. I had my beard surgically removed over a 15-year period, had my face surgically altered to feminize its features two years ago, and have taken feminizing hormones for 2.5 years. The hormones have moderately reshaped my body (I have breasts now, albeit small ones), and substantially expanded my emotional range.

However, I currently still have a penis, and will for at least another one-to-two years. My medical team is working on getting me prepared for vaginoplasty, but it takes a while and there is a huge waiting list in my health insurance company.

I’m legally female in California, and will get a female passport from the State Department soon. “Emily Marie Williams” is my legal name. The legal change in gender and name happened on 14 July 2015, which is now a very special date for me.

I’m also culturally female, anywhere in the world. I use women’s restrooms and locker rooms. In India I used women’s airport security search lines and participated in women-only bridal activities. I’m rather brave about this when travelling—went to Kashmir as a single woman, which is an extremely risky place for a transgender person and for an American to go.

I identify as a “woman” first and as a “transgender woman” second. But I’m proud of being transgender and do not hide it. That identity and the related experiences form a big core of the music and prose I write. I expect my partners to not be ashamed of my identity.

The only time I hide my transgender identify is when my safety is at risk or when talking to strangers.

Talking using a feminine voice is very difficult, and sometimes deeper tones and deeper resonances come through, especially if I am tired. To prevent straining my vocal chords, I sing with my natural (male) voice and use my natural male voice at work. (At work everybody knew me before I became Emily, so there is no weirdness there).

I’m very “girly” in my presentation. Very feminine. But I’m also a rude punk rocker on stage. (But I’m kind elsewhere!).

While gender identity and sexual orientation are completely different things, it sounds like a good idea to me to explain my orientation. I identify as bisexual—happy to have satisfying long-term relationships with both men and women. I’m not confused, as many people assume bisexuals are. Rather, I simply like people!

Regarding sex with men, I prefer to be on the bottom and receiving.

I hope this provides you some insight into what you are getting into!

Let me know if you have any questions!

taking a cue from Mary Magdalene

The femininity expressed in my spiritual life expands daily. My attraction to men grows by the hour. Perhaps these events are correlated.

I’ve figured out that I too would sleep with Jesus.

I do not say this to mock God—quite the contrary: This realization is the only way I can comprehend a completely masculine God.

Update 1 May 2017

What this is really about is identifying with Mary Magdalene for the first time in my life, and more generally, with prostitutes.

In my post “you can’t afford me” I set a price for my services. Mary did this at some point. This was the first time I considered engaging in such activity—I now have something in common with her.

Many transwomen work as prostitutes. My expression here is a somewhat spiritual solidarity with them.

The image of Mary that I am employing here comes from Jesus Christ Superstar, from the song “I Don’t Know to Love Him” [1]. The song reflects the intimacy that I’ve started feeling with a few of the men in my life. As Jesus is a man, and I’m starting to have more intimate feelings for men, I can’t help blurring the line.

References

1.